Luke 5:1-11
Glory to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
We’ve just read from the Gospel according to Saint Luke. In writing his Gospel, Saint Luke tells us that he has “investigated everything from the beginning” (Luke 1:1-4), and he includes details that he clearly learned directly from the apostles and from the Mother of God – details not included in the other Gospels.
The Gospel accounts of Saints Matthew and Mark skip over the events we’ve just read about. They just recount that the Lord told Peter, John, and James, “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.” And immediately they left their nets and followed him (Matthew 4:18-22; Mark 1:16-20).
And Saint John’s Gospel adds more detail, since he was there:
[John the Baptist] saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! This is the one I spoke of when I said, ‘After me comes One who is greater than me because he was before me.’ I did not recognize him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was so that he might be revealed. Two of his disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. One of the two who heard John speak and followed Jesus was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. He first found his own brother Simon and said to him, “We have found the Messiah” – which means Christ. He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon the son of John. You shall be called Cephas” – which means Peter. (John 1:29-42)
Saint John’s account tells us when all these things happened: this is at the very beginning of Christ’s public ministry, while his cousin, the prophet John the Baptist is still baptizing at the Jordan River.
He also lets us know that Simon Peter and his brother Andrew, along with James and his brother John, were partners in a fishing business and had already met the Lord before the events we read today.
Have you ever wondered why someone would see Jesus walk by; the Lord just says, “Follow me,” and they drop their work, leave their job, and walk away with him? Here we see that these men had already met Jesus and were already convinced he was a prophet, a teacher, maybe the Messiah.
That is why, at the end of a long night of hard work, Peter agrees to let Jesus take his boat back out onto the water. Fishermen work at night, so they can bring fresh fish to the day’s market. Now they’ve worked all night, the sun has come up, and as the day heats up they’re mending their nets before they go home for the day.
The Lord teaches the people from Peter’s boat for an hour or two, then tells him, “Put the nets back down and catch some fish.”
“Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing! But at your word I will lower the nets.” Peter doesn’t expect any results; he is not acting in faith that he’ll receive a miracle. But he is acting in faithfulness. He’s already convinced that Jesus is sent from God, so he will obey this command even though it doesn’t make sense.
And when they did:
They caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken (Luke 5:6-8).
Here is the thing I want us to learn from today’s Gospel reading.
Saint Peter correctly realizes that this Jesus is more than a teacher; this is a wonderworker, at the very least a person chosen by almighty God. As John the Baptist predicted, Jesus is the Holy One, who will judge the world and baptize with fire and the Holy Spirit.
But Peter has exactly the wrong response. He sees the Holy One and says, “Get away from me! I am a sinner.”
I think we’ve all done that. It’s time for bed, and we know we should at least briefly give thanks to God and pray for our family. But today we have shouted at our family or coworkers. We’ve allowed the news or the internet to darken our soul with anger, lust, envy, or fear. We’ve drunk too much, or we’ve welcomed fantasies of impurity or revenge. The Psalm asks, “Who can ascend the mountain of the Lord? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart” (Psalm 23:3-4 LXX) and our hands and heart are not clean. We feel condemned and frustrated and unworthy, so we shy away from prayer.
That is a very natural response. Peter says, “Oh no! The Holy One is right here in my boat — but I am an impure, unclean man, and not fit to be with him. Get away from me, Lord, I’m a sinner!”
700 years earlier, the prophet Isaiah had the same response.
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him flew seraphim, each with six wings… calling to one another: Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Hosts! The whole earth is full of his glory… “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am lost! For I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty” (Isaiah 6:1-5).
But even as Isaiah is standing condemned, there is already an altar in the presence of God, where purification and acceptable sacrifice are always before the Lord. This is centuries before the coming of Christ, but in God’s plan, the Lamb of God was slain before the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8).
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth with it, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips. Your iniquity is taken away and your sin is purified” (Isaiah 6:6-7).
The sacrifice that purifies sin is already prepared before you ever sinned.
“This is what love is: Not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the reconciliation for our sins… For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” (1 John 4:10; Romans 5:10).
I want us to learn and put into practice a different response to sin, defilement, and disloyalty to God. What does a child do when she falls and skins her knee? She runs home, crying, “Mama!” to bring her wound to the one who can make it better. She is not ashamed – even if she got hurt doing something she shouldn’t, she runs urgently to the one who can fix it.
What do you do when you find alarming symptoms in your body, or the baby’s temperature is too high? You call a doctor. The emergency room isn’t in the business of scolding you for having a lump, or a fever. You run to the one who can help.
But when we sin, we do the opposite. We confess that God is good, holy, and faithful to us, but we have betrayed him, we’ve been unfaithful to him, we have shown that we don’t love or fear him.
We’re like Adam in the garden, when the Lord comes walking in the cool of the day, calling for him, “Adam? Where are you?” And instead of running to the Lord to be made whole, they hide. They feel something is broken and wrong in them, so they cover themselves with fig leaves to hide their shame.
“Get away from me, Lord, I am a sinful man!”
Once I visited a church and had confession. It was during Matins, right in front of the iconostas, like in many churches, so the priest kept urging me to be quieter, to whisper so nobody would hear. It was his church, so of course I did what he said. But I kept thinking: If I was not ashamed to do and think and say these things right in front of the Lord and his Mother and all the saints – then why would I be ashamed to repent from them?
Saint John Chrysostom says: “Be ashamed when you sin. Do not be ashamed when you repent. Pay attention carefully. After sin comes shame; courage follows repentance. Did you pay attention to what I said? Satan upsets the order; he gives the courage to sin and the shame to repentance” (Homily 8, On Repentance and Almsgiving).
Peter and Isaiah and Adam had the same reaction to God’s holiness: They wanted out of his presence because their sins made them unclean. But our culture wants to shape us in the opposite way – we’re told to feel okay about ourselves, to love ourselves. Nothing in our culture prepares us to unpack our actions and relationships in an accountable way and start changing.
A friend of mine used to run a little shop. She had candy and detergent, cigarettes and beer and soft drinks, all the things a little variety store would sell. But she didn’t really know if she was making any profit at it, because she never took inventory.
Preparing for repentance is like taking inventory. There are probably a few things on your mind that you feel ashamed of, or wish you’d done differently. That definitely goes on your list. But you hear us pray regularly about “sins known and unknown, committed in knowledge or in ignorance.” We’ve all had the experience of realizing we have an attitude or a habit that has been hurting people – it wasn’t that we chose to disobey a commandment, but it was sin anyway; it certainly wasn’t pleasing to God.
Taking inventory compares what you actually have on hand to what you ought to have. Scripture gives us some handy lists we can use for that purpose. Everybody knows the Ten Commandments, or at least we know they exist. That’s not a bad meditation: “Thou shalt have no god before Me” – Have I got any other priority that I put before Christ? Have I stolen money or things, or taken wages for doing nothing? What falsehoods have come out of my mouth? If any of those commandments raise a red flag, then it ought to go on your list, so you can practice watchfulness. Don’t let the thief come catch you sleeping. With practice you can learn to see when you’re about to do or say the same thing you always do, and choose to “set a guard on your mouth and door of enclosure round about your lips” (Psalm 140:3 LXX).
Eight Deadly DominoesYour prayer book may list the Seven (or Eight) Deadly Sins: Gluttony and lust, greed and anger, sloth and despair, vainglory and pride. Give yourself a little time to chew on each of those sins, and ask yourself how they may describe your actions.
Some other lists you can use to take inventory: In the fifth chapter of Galatians (5:19-26), Saint Paul names fruits of the flesh and of the spirit. Actions like hatred, contention, envy, fornication, and so on; add those to your list if they apply to you. And then virtues, the fruit of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control: Try on each of those descriptions, and see how accurately they describe your life with your family, your coworkers and neighbors. If it isn’t a match, if I’m not patient and kind to someone, then that goes on my list.
And 1 Corinthians 13 – you’ve probably heard this passage. “Love is patient; love is kind; love does not envy; love is not boastful or proud; love keeps no record of wrongs…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Put your name in that passage, and read it: “Silouan is patient. Silouan is kind; Silouan is not boastful…” If any of those statements about yourself rings false, then you’ve identified something that belongs on your inventory.
If you find it difficult to prepare for confession, or if you don’t feel like you have a plan for your struggle for the virtues, talk to me.
Last thing on this topic: Don’t bring your sins to confession as a matter of apology. Bring them to confession the way you bring a list of symptoms to the doctor. The way you go to the mechanic and tell him all the noises your car has been making.
I think we have been taught to see repentance as a matter of melodrama, when we ought to understand it as a program of discipline toward a goal. We come for absolution as part of a collaboration between us and our confessor, who has certain tools and methods and therapies we can put to use, and the God who has called us to be cleansed and lifted up to our feet and to press on toward our high call in Christ. Yes, feel bad and regret your sins. But don’t be so surprised by them – you’re not that holy.
Your doctor knows that this symptom and that symptom, which may not be obviously connected, may point to a condition that’s causing a few different issues. In a sport, your coach may notice the way you’re holding your hands or the way you’re standing is hindering your performance. Change your stance, or heal that underlying condition, and a lot of other complaints will get better. All those sins that keep coming up in my life and in confession – they’re like the fruit on a tree, and they identify what kind of root they’re growing from.
That’s why, if I take a searching and fearless inventory on a regular basis, and I trust my confessor enough to let him hear it – he can start recommending ways to uproot those underlying passions.
I am an okay musician, though I haven’t played much in the last twenty years. I am not at all an athlete or martial artist, but I have friends who have progressed in competitive athletics and martial arts. Part of what makes a great professional musician, or athlete, or martial artist, is having a masterclass teacher, a coach, a sensei. Somebody who has done this and knows from experience the disciplines that make a star. Nobody gets to the Olympics without a coach.
Unfortunately there are not a lot of saints available for spiritual counsel; you won’t find a clairvoyant elder in every parish. But what we do have, as the Church, is thousands of years of experience in what works. We might have a quick exchange at confession, or a deeper conversation in private, but my confessor is an objective person outside my head and my family, so from time to time he makes a suggestion. And when I follow that suggestion – take it seriously and make myself accountable to it – God blesses my obedience. I see results. There are no gurus here, and none of us is a nun or monk under a vow of obedience; but scripture says “God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble” (Proverbs 3:34; James 4:6).
Our goal is not to sin less. A spiritual life that revolves around managing our sins and following rules to become good enough for God is deadly; the letter of the law kills (2 Corinthians 3:6). Peter saw his sins and wanted to run from Christ; but we are called to see our sins, and run to Christ for cleansing, healing, and freedom. And then to walk with Christ. We fall down, get up, and walk with Christ.
Look at Peter at the end of the Gospels. He’s betrayed the Lord. “Peter, do you love me?” “Lord, you know I love you.” “Feed my sheep.” He has learned to run to Christ for reconciliation and restoration.
Our goal in this life is, starting now, to do the love and purity and power of God. To love our neighbors and enemies in a way that reveals the goodness and freedom of Christ. To be peace-makers, pure in heart, merciful and meek and pouring out the love of Christ, in union with Him. You are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14-16).
Here’s the conclusion: Are you Peter?
Have you wasted your day, wounded yourself and others, and forgotten Christ? Are you ashamed of yourself and unworthy to be called a Christian? Come to prayer.
Come light your candle and say your prayer rule. Come, with your hands still stained by what you’ve done, your voice still raw from shouting, your steps unsteady from drink. Come to prayer. The God who has called you has not turned his back on you but is still calling you, and he is neither shocked nor surprised by anything you’ve done, but holds out his hand to take yours and pick you up.
Pick up your prayer rope or your psalter or just stand and say the Holy God, Holy Mighty. The Lord, his mother and all his saints and angels – and every sinner who has been where you are – are on your side even when you fall, and they cheer and applaud when you get up and set your feet on the path.
Come to prayer.
To the glory of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
